I am in trouble for publishing this blog. My friend, who sent me the quotations listed below, prefaced his message with the words, “Be careful who you send this to”. I’ve decided to ignore his advice, so enjoy, and please let me know how much trouble I am in.
A “Senior” might say:
- As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
- I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand. (So true)
- Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it. (Absolutely true)
- My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there’s a new strain out there.
- It’s not my age that bothers me, it’s the side effects.
- I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the kerb on trash day.
- As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, one thing I’m sure of .. it will be misspelled and have no punctuation marks.
- I haven’t gotten anything done today. I’ve been in the Produce Department trying to open a stupid plastic bag.
- If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.
- Turns out that being a “senior” is mostly about just googling how to do stuff.
- I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
- God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round…and laughed and laughed and laughed. (I told you I am in trouble!)
- I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.
- I put my scale in the bathroom corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.
- My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.
- Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.
- Apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time” isn’t the correct response.
- She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now. (I am in trouble!)
- Sometimes the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still a dumbass. (Sounds like a version of the old definition of stupidity: Doing the same thing over and over again, hoping for/expecting a different outcome!)
- There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is, once you get old you stop being polite and start being honest.
You are welcome to share these observations with anyone you like. I like to get other people in trouble as well as myself!
